back to where i never had to leave

Sometimes finding your place in this world can be as simple as a friend telling you that you have good things to say.

I have struggled the past few,  well I have lost count, years. My struggle has been finding my place in this world which has turned into an endless search, lots of frustration, and a sense of not knowing who I really am. I know who I am as a wife, as a friend, as a sister, an aunt, a house keeper, a dieter, an off and on exerciser, a helping hand, a military wife (job in itself!), and most importantly, as a mother. I am very familiar with these roles...but the problem is, these roles are all that I know. This is where the extent of my life reaches to. I have nothing to complain about, and I am not complaining. I love all of these roles and the amazing people who help fill them. I am surrounded by love every single day. I have realized though that my struggle is something I lost along the way to where I am now. I lost the artist that has always been inside of me.

I have always considered myself an artist. Growing up I was always in my room cutting photographs and words out of magazines and creating things with them. I would write all the time. I started taking photographs at an early age and incorporated them with everything I created. I couldn't stop creating art in any form, and I could never get enough of it. This love only expanded when I began attending The Art Institute of Atlanta. In many ways, those few years were the best of my life. I was surrounded by people who loved to create. We ate, lived, breathed art. Attending galleries was a typical evening. I began to see life in a brand new light. I finally understood myself, and everyone around me knew exactly who I was without having to say a word. We shared a common existence and I loved it. I was comfortable, and I was free.

Things have changed.

Along the way to where I am now, I started losing who I have always been deep down. I know exactly why and knowing I have lost that person is just as sad as the reason why. I pushed it all away, because I thought I had to. Being an artist is temporary, I told myself. You need to change. So I did. I got as far away from art as I could. I went down a different path, the "cool" path as I was told. Drinking to escape, one failed romance after another. I even moved away from it....all the way across the country. That not only was my breaking point, but the harsh reality that turned me back in the right direction.

I found love, the love I was always searching for. I found the home I wanted, the car, the domestic lifestyle. I found the financial freedom, the independence I desperately wanted. I just forgot to bring a big part of who I am along with it.

Years have passed. Too many years, but I truly believe it is never too late to be who you were always meant to be, who you were created to be.

I have finally found the path back to where I started. This time I am blessed, because I have an incredible husband, son, family, and wonderful friends right along on this journey with me. Maybe I was supposed to get off the path for awhile. I know I am where I was meant to be. I have learned that sometimes you have to get lost to get back to the place you started from. Getting lost was the best thing that has ever happened to me. It gave me everything I have ever wanted and more. With all I carry now in my heart, this is my journey back to where I never had to leave.

So thank you, friend, for reminding me that I do have good things to say.